Today I threw myself a pity party. I even celebrated with a Starbucks Frap and a mini peanut butter cupcake.
There goes the 15 pounds I just lost…
Although I totally blame deployment for this breakdown, it doesn’t help that - after being on a no sugar, carb-free diet for six weeks - I gorged myself on half of the 3 year-old’s Easter basket’s contents yesterday or that I am majorly PMSing.
I am sick and tired of being alone. Yes, there are six kids here to keep me company, but it isn’t quite the same as adult interaction. What I wouldn’t give for an hour at Starbucks with a friend…
I know all about taking care of yourself during deployment, I wrote the book (well article anyway) on that. I even wrote the book (okay, okay - article…) on how to help a fellow mom going through a deployment. But here I sit, having my pity party.
Don’t get me wrong, I have a ton of wonderful friends. The problem is that most of them live all over the world and not here. I guess we haven’t done a very good job of making friends since we have been here. I thought we had done better. Or maybe it is just that everyone is sick of asking “how are you doing?” and “when is he coming home?” – I know I am.
Going to church yesterday didn’t help. Because of Easter it was held in the auditorium of the local high school, the one where they hold services if the unthinkable happens. I spent a good part wondering what it would look like draped in red, white and blue bunting. Morbid, I know, but that is where I am at.
Add to all of that a 9 year-old having her own breakdown and a 15 year-old who enjoys making me angry and we have the perfect conditions to make one very tired mama want to run away.
Thankfully, my amazing friend called me (not sure how she knows when I am losing it, but she always does) and told me enough. I just wish she was close enough for Starbucks.
Pity party officially over for now, but I won’t promise that it was the last. We still have another five or six months to go…
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