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I am back from our family vacation to Disney and MOPS Convention and I promise an update as soon as I recover ;0)
However, I wanted to take a minute to share my article that was in the July/August issue of MomSense Magazine.
There are so many families experiencing deployments, so please pass it on to friends, family and your MOPS group, to give them a list of practical ways to help. I know that pride can get in the way of asking, so I think forwarding them an article is an easy way to start! Remember that you are not alone.
How to Help a Mom During Deployment
Love always,
Deployment is hard. I know that. I have experienced the pain of separation and frustration of not knowing when (or if) he is coming home. However, if I can be honest for just a minute, I have to admit that for me, pre-deployment is even harder.
The months and days of knowing that orders are coming, but not knowing exactly when, of trying to plan life around the what-ifs and maybes. My Soldier’s unit is leaving “sometime this year”. It could be anytime from May to September and he (read: we) has to be ready. Try explaining that to six kids and one mother-in-law (not to mention all the relatives and friends that don’t get it).
If you have been through deployment, then you understand that his head leaves before his body. The mission takes over their brains long before boots hit the ground. That leaves the biggest challenge of pre-deployment: trying to keep your Soldier involved as part of the family.
How do we do that? How can we encourage him to get down and play with the kids instead of repacking his bag for the 10th time? How can we make memories and plan for all the details of him being gone? How can we get everything done that needs to be accomplished? For our family, it means lots of planning, lists and intentionality on my part.
For example, one of my goals before he leaves is to have new family photos. We had our last baby 2 ½ years ago and we still don’t have a family picture with her in it. If I want that perfect shot to hang on the wall while he is gone, then I need to plan ahead to get it done. It goes on my Must Do List, along with updating the power of attorney and our wills (we haven’t done that since the baby either…). To me, it is just as important.
Then there are the things that I would like to see happen before he goes, such as painting the house and re-seeding the yard. Of course, these are things that I could -if you know me, please don’t gasp out loud- handle on my own. Or at least, hire someone to do while he is in the sandbox. These things go on my Wish List. This is the list of things that I have to be willing to let go when something else comes up.
Family time is always important, but it is vital to us during pre-deployment. It doesn’t just happen though; we have to plan it. Our family sets aside one night a week when everyone has to be home (not an easy task with two teenagers!). Family nights vary from a holiday devotional to coffee at Starbucks or a silly movie, but we are always together. Cell phones are not allowed, not even for the grown-ups. Our kids may grumble, but I know they won’t forget these times.
I know with all the details, there is never enough time, but don’t forget to spend alone time with your Soldier. You need to bank all the extra time together that you can. Army deployments are long and they can drain even the best relationships. Plan date nights (again without the cell phones) and enjoy being a couple.
Nothing will ever be perfect for deployment and I know that we won’t ever ‘be’ ready, but the last thing I want my kids to remember was that dad was so busy, that he didn’t have time for them. If I want the days and months leading up to his departure to be filled with fun memories, then I have to be intentional with my planning, learn to relax my expectations and live in the moment.
For more from Army Wife Network, check out their website at http://www.armywifenetwork.com/
Athena Goldinger Hall
Army Wife and mom to six Army Brats
Being a military wife isn’t easy. Long hours and even longer deployments, constant moves… We make adjustments and soldier on, but that doesn’t mean the stress doesn’t affect us.
According to a recent study done by the University of North Carolina, wives whose husbands deployed for more than 11 months are 24 percent more likely to be diagnosed with depression or anxiety and 40 percent more likely to be diagnosed with acute stress or sleep problems than those whose husbands stayed home.
So how can we beat the statistics? We have to be intentional about taking care of ourselves. Here are some tips and ideas for beating the deployment blues:
Eat Healthy
No one wants to cook for one and the kids just want macaroni and cheese, again. But resist the urge to have a bowl of cereal for dinner tonight. While not a cure for depression, eating a balanced diet can help you feel better. WebMD says that getting the daily value of Vitamin D (600 IU) increases the serotonin level in your brain and high protein foods, such as tuna, increase the chemicals dopamine and norepinephrine, which can help you concentrate and boost your energy.
Get Moving
According to the Mayo Clinic, exercise is more than just good for your body; it is also good for your mind. Exercising releases ‘feel good’ chemicals called endorphins that help boost your mood and may help relieve depression. Get moving today by joining a class at the gym on post or putting the baby in the stroller and walking around the block. Double the benefits by inviting your neighbor to join you and make a new friend!
Exercise Your Mind
If we aren’t learning, we aren’t growing! Why not put the time while your Soldier is away to good use? Try taking a cooking or scrapbooking or even an automotive class. Read the latest bestseller and join a book club. Have you been thinking about going back to school? Put your husband’s GI Bill to work for you through transfer benefits. In addition to learning something new, it serves as a welcome distraction (you can only watch so many NCIS reruns on TV) and gets you out of the house.
Make Memories
Life doesn’t stop when deployment happens and you shouldn’t feel guilty about moving forward. When you have children, you can’t – and shouldn’t – put your family life on hold. Take time to make special memories with your kids. Of course, don’t forget to record those memories for your Soldier! Start new traditions. Special mom and me moments are something your kids will remember for a long time and will help them beat the deployment blues as well.
Get Out of the House
Don’t mope around in your pajamas. Get dressed and get out of the house. If you ever needed a friend, now is the time! Have coffee or a girls’ night out with a friend. Short on friends? Time to make some new ones! Do you have little ones? Join a MOPS group where there are others who understand what you are going through. You don’t have to do this alone.
See Your Doctor
If you have symptoms that are affecting your ability to eat, sleep or enjoy life, make an appointment right away. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. You want to be your best when your Soldier comes home, so take care of yourself today.
In the book What Every Mom Needs, author Elisa Morgan compares mothering to the pre-flight instruction to affix your oxygen mask first, before assisting others. In essence, you have to recognize your own needs and take care of yourself, before you can care for others. Don’t let the deployment blues get the best of you. Invest time into taking care of yourself and meeting your needs. You will be a better mom and wife for it.
Athena Goldinger Hall
Army Wife and mom to six Army Brats
Links for further information:
Web MD: Diet for Depression – http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/diet-recovery
Mayo Clinic: Depression and anxiety: Exercise eases symptoms – http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/depression-and-exercise/MH00043
Department of Veterans Affairs: GI Bill – http://gibill.va.gov/
Mothers of Preschoolers: Find a Group – www.MOPS.org/groups
Tricare Mental Health – http://tricare.mil/mentalhealth/
If you are a military spouse, you totally understand that their brains forward deploy long before they even get on the plane :)
Check out my new article on pre-deployment at Army Wife Network!
Love,
