"Wounded Warrior, Wounded Home" Book Review

Some Facts: 

• 1.5 million troops have fulfilled 3 million deployment billets to Iraq & Afghanistan with most service members serving at least two and some as many as nine combat tour of duty.

• Between 30-40 percent of returning veterans today show symptoms of PTSD or report conditions of TBI.

• Since 2000, over 180,000 service members have been diagnosed with TBI.

• Each service member’s war experiences and injuries directly impact at least three and as many as 10 immediate family members and friends. This means that at least 4.5 million and as many as 15 million close family members and friends are deeply impacted by combat stress, PTSD and/or TBI from the war in Iraq and Afghanistan alone. This figure doesn’t include the lingering effects of war on the families of WWII, the Korean War, the Vietnam War or the first Persian Gulf War veterans.

About Wounded Warrior, Wounded Home: Hope and Healing for Families Living with PTSD and TBI:

When a combat veteran struggles with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and/or traumatic brain injury (TBI), every member of the family experiences the effects. Spouses, parents and children must undergo changes on the home front, a process that resembles the phases of grief. Confusion, hurt, anger, guilt, fatigue and fear lie behind their brave smiles and squared shoulders. 

Wounded Warrior,Wounded Home gives hurting families a look inside the minds and hearts of wounded warriors and guides them in developing their own personal plan for physical, emotional and spiritual wholeness in the wake of war.

My thoughts:
As you have already guessed, this is not my usual light-hearted, fun read. It was, in all honestly, probably the hardest book for me to sign up to review. It meant acknowledging that I needed this book. Our family is one of the thousands damaged by the effects of war. And it wasn't an easy read either. To be totally honest, there are some places I skimmed though because I am simply not in a place to take them any deeper. 

The authors have done a great job covering topics like grief, compassion fatigue, finding a new normal and forgiveness. They talk about things that only someone who has been there can know: the pain, the exhaustion, the fear...

Interspersed in the pages are comments from real people, trying to live in the midst of the mess and being real and transparent. It is great to know that you are not alone, not the only one who has felt those feelings or thought those thoughts. 

Included at the end of each chapter are questions for reflection, a chance to go deeper with yourself and with God. 

Where will this journey end and what will it look like when we get there? I don't know. But thankfully, God does. And I will learn to be content with that... 

About the authors:

Marshele Carter Waddell served with her husband, CDR (ret) Mark Waddell, a career Navy SEAL, for 26 years around the world. Together with their three children, the Waddells have endured many lengthy separations and frequent deployments for combat duty, special operations training and real world conflicts. Today, her husband is a disable combat veteran with PTSD and multiple TBIs. Her son is currently serving in Afghanistan. 

Waddell is the founder of Hope for the Home Front and a frequent media guest on military issues. She has been featured in Time magazine, the BBC, the LA Times, the Washington Post, Fox News, the Armed Forces Radio Network and Focus on the Family's radio broadcast.
 

When Marshele’s husband retired, they moved to Colorado Springs where she began seeing Kelly Orr, a clinical psychologist and Vietnam veteran, as her therapist. Kelly has his Ph.D. from Biola University and completed a fellowship in Clinical Health Psychology in 1993.

If you are a spouse of a Wounded Warrior, find out about Hope for the Homefront and what they offer at their website.

The fine print: 
Wounded Warrior, Wounded Home is available March 2013 at your favorite bookseller from Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group.

I was provided with a complimentary copy of this book for review purposes. The opinions expressed are all mine and I was not required to give a positive review. 

Note: Sorry, but there won't be a giveaway this time! Due to lack of funds, I cannot continue to mail books out. Hopefully in the future, I can do a big giveaway to clean off my shelves. If you have a minute, would you please pray for a job for our family? Thanks!

My Pre Deployment Rant - not the first and I am sure it won't be the last!

My 3yo is watching the Sesame Street: Talk, Listen, Connect DVD that came free from Military One Source. (Quick commerical before I start ranting...) It is a great resource and you can't beat free, so if you have little ones, do check it out.

Now... I just want to scream and then throw up. I don't want to do this. The Army and it's 400 day deployments are just stupid! And I know they will be extended. I am not an idiot and the dates don't add up to the whole 'departure timeline' to leave Iraq. I am really mad at the Montana National Guard and whoever else had the stupid idea to have their AT be three weeks this year (on lockdown) right before their federal orders. Can we please get someone with a brain running these things?

My poor 3 year old doesn't know what she is in for. She is just happy watching Elmo and right now, I hate Elmo too.

Thanks for listening to me vent. I feel a bit better, but I still want to throw up.

 

MilSpouse Friday Fill-in #9

Head on over to Wife of a Sailor to join in on the fun!

1.If you could be a fugitive from the law for whatever reason, what would your crime be?  (from It's a Hooah Life)

I am so not a criminal mastermind. If I ever was a fugitive it would be for something stupid like tp-ing the LTs car or something...

2.How long do you think you will be a military family? (from Julie the Army Wife)

Until we die... Seriously, I will probably be one of those old ladies in the commissary that can't reach the top shelf. I promise to not have the blue hair.


3.What’s your favorite recipe? (from Keep Calm and Soldier On)

Irish Oatmeal Soda Bread (however, the 14yo and I have changed it a bit from the original). We eat a lot of it at our house throughout the year. You must have Irish Butter (costs an arm and leg, even at the commissary) on it and enjoy it hot from the oven!

4.What would you want your last five words to be when you leave this life? (from My Goal is Simple)

I did what I could. (See She Did What She Could (SDWSC): Five Words of Jesus That Will Change Your Life)

5.Where do you hope to retire? (from Pennies from Heaven)

I have always wanted to go back to Seattle and get a condo close to Pike Place Market. If we have $ (which I am sure will have all gone to six different universities by then), I would love to go to Ireland. I think Mark may have other plans though and after our trip to Disney World, I think I better start mentally preparing for the heat and humidity now.

Happy Friday!

Staying Sane During Deployment

Although I have a few friends that will testify that I lost my mind long ago, my goal is to not totally go nuts and start hiding under the bed while my Soldier is gone.

So during the next 400 and some odd days, I promise to:

1. Get out of bed and get dressed at least 5 days a week. Mondays don't count and Saturday is my day off :)

2. Stay on my diet, but splurge once a week for mental health reasons (preferably at a 'girls night out' to increase the health benefits!)

3. Connect with other wives/moms going through the same thing. It is important to be around someone who gets it. As much as others try, they just can't unless they have experienced it.

4. Faithfully read my new devotional Faith Deployed: Daily Encouragement for Military Wives. My church gave me a free copy so I have no excuses! I would love to do a small group study to keep me accountable. If your spouse is deploying and you would like to join me (via email or facebook), let me know.

5. Have fun with my kids and not be the cranky mom. This is my last year with our oldest before she leaves for college and I really want to enjoy our time. This isn't any fun for them either.

I know I could go on and on, but five is a good start. Please remember to pray for our Soldiers and their families. The war may be "over", but for us, it is just beginning.

Love,

My MomSense Magazine Article

I am back from our family vacation to Disney and MOPS Convention and I promise an update as soon as I recover ;0) 

However, I wanted to take a minute to share my article that was in the July/August issue of MomSense Magazine.

There are so many families experiencing deployments, so please pass it on to friends, family and your MOPS group, to give them a list of practical ways to help. I know that pride can get in the way of asking, so I think forwarding them an article is an easy way to start! Remember that you are not alone.

How to Help a Mom During Deployment

Love always,

Army Wife Network - Building Community - Army Style - Jan 2010

I think one of the hardest things about being an Army Wife is the constant change. New Post, new community, new set of friends… We constantly have to start over where ever Uncle Sam sends us. It means stepping out into the uncomfortable and making that connection with someone. Attending Chapel (or a local church), signing up for a class, or going to an FRG meeting…

I have a friend that says “bloom where you’re planted” and even though I laugh when I hear it, she is right. We need community, maybe even more than the civilian world. We need someone that we can call at 4 am when we get that phone call with a bad connection and then our Soldier doesn’t call back. Someone who doesn’t gripe about her husband going hunting and being away for a weekend when yours has been gone for 15 months! Someone who gets the struggles and fears (and yes, even the joys) of military life.

I will admit I like to watch “Army Wives” on Lifetime. I know it is not realistic. No, the Army will not send your Soldier to recruiting school just because he is set to deploy and you don’t want him to go. Nor will they send him home from the Sandbox for several weeks to work on your ‘marriage issues’. And it drives my husband crazy that there is always at least one that can’t get his beret on straight. However, I love how that groups is always there for each other. Good and bad times. That is community.

For me, it was MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers). I knew that I had something in common with all the other women in the room – we were all moms. Even if there wasn’t another Army Wife for miles (we are few and far between in this Air Force town!), I knew I could have a conversation with someone who could complete a full sentence. And boy, did I need adult conversation!

The relationships that I have developed over the years with women all over the world because of MOPS have changed my life. When my husband was deployed, the local group brought meals and offered friendship. The ones far away sent emails and cards (sometimes even with cash because they knew money was tight). When communication was down and I hadn’t heard from my Soldier in days, they were there to listen and to pray.

So how will you make a connection? Take that step and say hello. Exchange numbers. Have a girl’s night out. Are you a mom? There might be a MOPS group on your Post. Start building community where you are today. I am so thankful that I took that first step and walked into a MOPS meeting. You will be too.

For more from Army Wife Network, check out their website at http://www.armywifenetwork.com/

Athena Goldinger Hall
Army Wife and mom to six Army Brats

Army Wife Network - Pre Deployment.. AKA His Brain Has Left the Building - June 2010

Deployment is hard. I know that. I have experienced the pain of separation and frustration of not knowing when (or if) he is coming home. However, if I can be honest for just a minute, I have to admit that for me, pre-deployment is even harder.

The months and days of knowing that orders are coming, but not knowing exactly when, of trying to plan life around the what-ifs and maybes. My Soldier’s unit is leaving “sometime this year”. It could be anytime from May to September and he (read: we) has to be ready. Try explaining that to six kids and one mother-in-law (not to mention all the relatives and friends that don’t get it).

If you have been through deployment, then you understand that his head leaves before his body. The mission takes over their brains long before boots hit the ground. That leaves the biggest challenge of pre-deployment: trying to keep your Soldier involved as part of the family.

How do we do that? How can we encourage him to get down and play with the kids instead of repacking his bag for the 10th time? How can we make memories and plan for all the details of him being gone? How can we get everything done that needs to be accomplished? For our family, it means lots of planning, lists and intentionality on my part.

For example, one of my goals before he leaves is to have new family photos. We had our last baby 2 ½ years ago and we still don’t have a family picture with her in it. If I want that perfect shot to hang on the wall while he is gone, then I need to plan ahead to get it done. It goes on my Must Do List, along with updating the power of attorney and our wills (we haven’t done that since the baby either…). To me, it is just as important.

Then there are the things that I would like to see happen before he goes, such as painting the house and re-seeding the yard. Of course, these are things that I could -if you know me, please don’t gasp out loud- handle on my own. Or at least, hire someone to do while he is in the sandbox. These things go on my Wish List. This is the list of things that I have to be willing to let go when something else comes up.

Family time is always important, but it is vital to us during pre-deployment. It doesn’t just happen though; we have to plan it. Our family sets aside one night a week when everyone has to be home (not an easy task with two teenagers!). Family nights vary from a holiday devotional to coffee at Starbucks or a silly movie, but we are always together. Cell phones are not allowed, not even for the grown-ups. Our kids may grumble, but I know they won’t forget these times.

I know with all the details, there is never enough time, but don’t forget to spend alone time with your Soldier. You need to bank all the extra time together that you can. Army deployments are long and they can drain even the best relationships. Plan date nights (again without the cell phones) and enjoy being a couple.

Nothing will ever be perfect for deployment and I know that we won’t ever ‘be’ ready, but the last thing I want my kids to remember was that dad was so busy, that he didn’t have time for them. If I want the days and months leading up to his departure to be filled with fun memories, then I have to be intentional with my planning, learn to relax my expectations and live in the moment.

For more from Army Wife Network, check out their website at http://www.armywifenetwork.com/

Athena Goldinger Hall
Army Wife and mom to six Army Brats